I’ve been wanting to write for weeks and instead have been rather silent. It’s a mix of having too much to say and not knowing where to begin, feeling like it’ll just be a jumble if the words do come out. So I thought I’d begin anyway…
Being away and immersed in a whole different life for 5 weeks (you can check out my 35daysinParis blog) has left me somewhat speechless it seems. Attempting to share the experience with dear friends has brought up a level of frustration that makes me uncomfortable. I want to share, but like writing this now, where do I begin and how do I put it into words that will be understood? You see, style/fashion/textiles/design are subjects that fascinate me at a rather minute level (i.e. learning that satin is the result of a weave, watching my favourite fashion journalist walk by) and everything in me lights up as I learn and talk about it. In a way, it almost feels too deeply personal to share. How strange is that? And I’m afraid I’ll either bore or shock people with my gleeful excitement of things they have never thought of and likely don’t care about.
Perhaps I’m just uncomfortable showing my possible nerdy preoccupations. They’ve been a rather private matter for most of my life you see. Not intentionally, just that I had other things I was doing and I hadn’t planned to purse these, at least not officially. I know I must find a place or people to discuss and explore all this with. Is this the place? Hmmm, I don’t think so. So this is part of why I’ve been silent.
Studying fashion in Paris also raised the question of “what now”? What do I “do” with what I learned and experienced (not that I have to do anything)? The busyness of being back engulfed me to an extent, and so I haven’t been able to sit and mull over these questions as I would love. I am running on faith that the answers will reveal themselves at the precise moment that is needed, i.e. exactly when I’m ready for them. It really feels like a vault waiting to be opened.
So, this post is really just touching base and writing to say that I haven’t forgotten my blog. My silence is a signal that I’m processing, even if I feel like I’m not doing that. Things are percolating in a pre-verbal state I believe, a bit like a foggy dream before it crystallizes into a clear picture.
Thanks for checking in 🙂
