Post-Holiday Blues

Being refreshed by a holiday is something we all seek, but what happens when you return home wishing you could’ve stayed at your destination?  Coming home after a spontaneous vacation to Los Angeles had me in this latter state, wondering what I came back for.  It’s as if a new life had begin to sprout while away and I felt like I was yanked back to an old reality!  Whoa, I wasn’t expecting that experience!  I was just looking for some fun and a good break.  Or was I? You may have read my last post and be saying, “weren’t you looking for something bigger, resurrection you called it?”  Yeah, ok, I guess I was asking for something (that’s what happens when you write – there’s evidence).

Truth be told, I did want the vacation to offer a new experience, perspective, energy. And it delivered. Santa Monica was beautiful and West Hollywood was total fun. I didn’t even look for a Nia class there, feeling that I wanted to be away from my usual life for a few days!  People were friendly, open, clear, and generally happy.  Sunshine goes a long way in putting a smile on people’s faces. Or perhaps it was me in my holiday vibe attracting more of the same?  Whatever it was didn’t matter, it was totally fulfilling, refreshing, and fun, fun, fun.

Being invited to join the drum circle at Venice Beach was a perfect way to get out of my head (where I had been while getting my taxes done) and into the moment. Enjoying the rhythm, feeling the beat, seeing the smiling faces all helped me return home to my body. Finding the yummiest places (Jin Patisserie, Urth Cafe) that served a wall of teas (tea rocks!) and healthy food and decadent sweets was paradise.  New friends I made from around the world added a lovely sense of connection and resulted in discovering more fun places to check out (what’s a vacation without cool people? they’re often part of the best memories). And amazing how short a time it takes to connect and miss people who you barely know.  Beautiful beaches, soft sand, fabulous and friendly folk, happy surfers, great DJs, fantastic places to go out…who would not want to return?

So coming home was a bit of a shock starting with an icy breeze at the airport, this after a couple of days of scorching heat. Many times I have flown into Vancouver and marvelled at our beautiful city. Coming home, I usually delight in my space. This time, one of the few, I came home feeling blue. So much fun in such short time, how could daily life compare?  I wistfully imagined moving to L.A.

The first two days were especially difficult. I wanted to go out and continue the enjoyment, hold on to the feelings of travel bliss and happiness. And so I did.  Fortunately the news was also full with the Royal Wedding and our dramatic election. This helped add some excitement and other focus over the weekend, along with the joy of returning to Nia.  Slowly I began to feel more acclimatized. Yet, I know the trip has not left me, something remains, and I can’t wait to see what it is.

In contrast, a few years back, I went to Europe for a month’s holiday and remember feeling concerned that I might not want to return. Having lived there on a couple of occasions, I knew how it had me feeling deeply at home. However, to my surprise, on that occasion I missed my home in Vancouver. This is not a common experience for me since I love travelling. I missed my Nia classes and students.  Listening to a Nia CD while visiting a friend in Brussels had me in tears (my dance was missing on this trip and so was I, another story). I realized in that moment that I had created a home at home, of which my work, Nia, my students were a big part. This feeling was quite new and I wondered if it was the end of my wanderlust and maybe I was settling down?

Well apparently not quite that.  Things have just shifted again. So what is this homesickness kind of feeling for a place that I’ve just visited? I’m sure you’ve had it too, whether it be a place, a person, an experience. I believe it’s a homesickness for a part of myself that I now desire to connect with. It is a signal that I need more of ‘that’ whatever that is. Dissonance is fantastic when it leads you to what you want, to see and know it more clearly and strongly.

I am glad that I feel this contrast in returning. It holds important information. It’s signalling that it is time for something. This is good. It means the trip did what I wanted – it woke me up, refreshed me and began a resurrection from what had become a comfortable yet not completely enlivened place.

While post-holidays blues don’t feel great, they may just be the cure to create real change exactly when we need it.