As the year is coming to a close, I thought I’d share 5 key lessons I learned that helped me keep shifting to a better experience and staying positive and energized, which then allowed new energy to flow in.
There are always some rough spots in a year. We’re not going to wish them away, but we can stop giving them full airplay! The sooner you let go in situations that feel too tricky, the quicker things can transform.
In the past, I had a tendency to focus on what I feared I was losing when I thought of letting go of something deeply important to me. I’d give the situation my “all” and do my best on my end to make things work (e.g. being extra accepting, patient, or understanding). But often the people or the issue on the other end didn’t do the same. When you realize you’re fighting for something that doesn’t want to change, you eventually wake up and realize it’s a waste of your life energy.
My turning point this year was when I learned what to focus on. It’s difficult to let go of something if you don’t have something else to put your attention on. You wouldn’t let go of a trapeze without another one in view, would you? No, you’d hold on for dear life, which is what most of us do, even if it’s on fire, or more commonly, rotting away in a slowly painstaking way.
Lesson 1: The new trapeze can be a new thought or idea – it doesn’t have to be perfectly materialized before you let go of what you’re holding onto. This will give you enough breathing room to think clearly.
In a couple of situations that felt difficult in a big way, I chose to focus on my value system, my needs, what I knew felt good to me. I couldn’t believe what was happening so my mind was churning on how to fix it. This was exhausting. So I somehow remembered to ask myself what I wanted. When I did that (rather than worrying about others and taking more responsibility than was fair to me), I noticed I felt better. I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t have to “rescue myself and them”. I just had to let go. I had to do this with vigilance since it wasn’t my previous modus operandi.
Two situations fell away. I honestly didn’t have the energy to do anything about them. I realized I was more important to me. As I chose this, a month unfolded where lots of fun things began to show up quickly (including getting a last minute ticket to the U2 concert – score!). I also met some great people who like to show up in life with the commitment and positive attitude that I do (this was gold). I didn’t even have time to think of what I had lost, now that I had gained a much better experience.
So if you’re having a difficult time in anything, ask yourself, “What can I choose in my heart now? What are my values and how can I choose them rather than focus on what is in front of me?” When you choose for you, the external things will either fall away or they will step up. (In my story, one went to the periphery and the other returned later.) Watch what happens. Just stay true to you. Moment by moment, step by step, keep choosing. It could be a new thought, or a new action.
The clearer you are on who you are and what you desire, the easier it is to let go of anything that doesn’t match. That is your work. Why settle for bread crumbs when you can have a fresh loaf coming out of the oven? Eventually, low-life stuff won’t even come into your world. It can only exist there if you allow it.
If you have a situation where you’d like to apply this and aren’t sure how, feel free to ask me for guidance.
