It just dawned on me that I left my last full-time job 15 years ago this month. It’s been a totally different world since and one that it would’ve been a shame to miss! Granted, while balancing a flexible life & business style has its challenges, the list of experiences and opportunities I was able to give myself as a result is quite long.
What is that worth? For me it was a lot. I’ll even say my life. I felt so ‘dead’ at work that I couldn’t bear it any longer. The amount of time I spent in front of a computer and alone in a lovely office, with a balcony mind you, was actually stifling. Prior to that period, I had 2 previous f/t jobs. Now the length of time I could stay in a job was getting shorter and shorter. This one lasted a year to the day!
Why was it so suffocating for me? More wanted to come out of me than had space on the job. I pondered developing some outside interests but I kept feeling like I needed more space. And, by the time I got home, the last thing I wanted to do was head out to new activities. I didn’t have the energy or desire.
The feeling was so strong that I had to leave, even when I didn’t have something to move onto. I also knew that it wasn’t a new job that would satisfy this inner need. The next thing had to have more space to express my talents, abilities, and desires. It needed to challenge me and allow me to express ideas and thoughts from my own being.
This led to a life of entrepreneurship. I wanted to discover life, my life, and needed the flexibility to do so. It was quite the adjustment at first and I felt lonely working alone. These 3 things were my lifeline to staying on course:
– Exercise (I found the movement arts and became a teacher).
– Daily journaling (a place to deposit my thoughts and listen to my true needs).
– Regular walks (as advised by “The Artist’s Way”, these helped me breathe and see the world alive around me).
These activities provided a daily rhythm when structure was up to me to create. They gave me space to be, think, and find myself. My energy began to increase after first being emptied of my previous existence as an employee. It was a process.
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What do you yearn for? Are you willing to stand up for it? Get in touch with it, breathe it in, be ok with your need. The beauty is that you don’t actually need to have all the answers in advance, as I discovered.
In joi,
