Deep Caring, Belonging, and Love in Work

Belonging, deep caring, and love are three powerful needs we all have, yet they’re not always easy to find. Or we relegate them to a small part of our lives (eg family, or a spouse), compartmentalizing these miraculous human emotions. When we do, we miss so much.

I just hand wrote a letter to the woman who founded and has run the Paris Fashion Institute for the last four decades. I felt compelled to do so because, three years later, she still connects with me through social media. She regularly ‘likes’ my posts and goes onto confirm skills I have listed on my LinkedIn profile. Who does that?

I am one of many, many students and I’m not currently active in the fashion industry, so I wanted to let her know how much I appreciate her seeing me, anyway. {I still read fashion industry news though because it makes me wildly happy to do so.} 

I remember noticing how the whole program had a depth of caring from the teachers to the speakers we had. Their love for the art, craft, and business of fashion and for passing it on with a high level of reverence is the level of engagement I prefer and crave in my world too. 

Two teachers were visibly moved during out final presentations. One of them, hidden in her signature head-to-toe black outfit and black sunglasses, whisked away the tears behind her lenses, hoping we wouldn’t notice. She was intimidating in the classroom, yet this moment revealed her true nature. The head of our design atelier could barely speak as we took photos beside him. These people work with a number of the key figures that I admire – we’re talking top industry players. And here they were, sincerely emotional because they were proud of us. 

There is nothing more important, relevant, and necessary than deep caring in all connections. I’ve always sought this in my working relationships because work without love is not something I can handle. Why would I spend half my life in a place without this feeling?

It is also why I emphasize expression and being oneself through my work – you cannot find belonging if you aren’t your real self. You have to know it, find confidence in it, and showcase it so your tribe can recognize you. This also goes for personal relationships. When we hide our dreams or real talents or brilliant ideas, others miss out on us. And life becomes sterile.

Caring, belonging, and love must be shown. It’s like when a soon-to-be boss offered me a position and emphasized that he CHOSE me. It’s when a group of senior managers would TAKE ME OUT TO DINNER when I was consulting out-of-town so I wouldn’t be alone in a boring hotel room. It’s when clients tell me they hired me because they TRUST me. Each of these could’ve been purely transactional, but they would’ve never allowed me to give what I’m capable of. My sense of loyalty and excellence come out when I see they are welcome. Otherwise it’s not personal and someone else can do the job. I’d rather be where I belong.

Real love requires a human presence and it’s not based on formal/official connections. It includes actions, not just words. It doesn’t need censoring and compartmentalizing. Without love in work (or life), I know I quickly wither and lose motivation to do things (no matter the money or benefits). And I see the effect on others when both our hearts are open.

How much of that kind of LOVE do you have in your life and work? Where could you begin to bring more of it into being? What would it take?